#8

I'm back from Fireproof Camp and I cannot. Cannot. Cannot. Wait to go Hokkaido though I met with problems like "why didn't you discuss with your mum before hand?" and it got me kinda irritated.

Then again I realised I'm walking in circles EVERY single day. Every single day I've to choose, do I have to do God's work instead of spending time with people I love? Really. But in The I Heart Revolution movie, I guess after all the sharings and what nots, what struck me the most was the tendency that we love to draw a line of division between our secular life and spiritual life, but it's all rubbish cos everything is part of my spiritual life. Cos my walk with God is everyday and not just when I go to church or what. Though this was something that spoke really much to me and like on the way home from camp I've been thinking like insanely much about it, I can't think of any feasible solution to fit it. I need to seek the higher being.

Another thing that struck me hard enough was the fact that IF what happens inside the four walls of the church doesn’t make a difference in the streets that people travel to get there, then maybe we are missing the point. We can do so much and have so much in church but really what's the point cos the church doesn't exist for the church but exists for the lost. And I was really thankful I got to talk to Yong En last night, and he made me feel like as if all the pioneering in Peiying was quite worth while cos at least he is still around. When he heard about my problems he was like "I think the church exists for the sick, the weak, the poor.. and not the healthy" And though I know like we can't do very much like if people choose to leave or people do not want to accept Christ into their lives, but in EVERYTHING we can make things better for people.

Last thing was when I spoke to Jinger last night, she asked me "if you ever backslide AGAIN, would you regret it?" I answered it as frankly as I could but through everything I think there is ONE thing I'm realizing that is, God's love does not change though I may be unhappy with the system, the people or whatever. I can do all sorts of things but ultimately I really cannot deny Him in my life. I think one thing Silly said when she prayed for me was "We may all doubt some times or another but we know You're still real and faithful" Okay my point is, I kinda made a commitment that only if one day I've lost all my faith in God and I'm so so so so convicted by it, then I will backslide again. Though I hope that day will never come.

As a conclusion, I suppose everything that was taught and learnt were issues so close to my heart and really like woahing. I'm also so thankful for everyone who talked to me during camp though I'm so sorry zuoen and chinyan that I fell asleep :(