Still

To be honest, I'm quite faithless for block tests despite mugging (a bit) and through all the faithless times I really hear a voice within myself or some where, some how.. I think I'm relying on my only hope. You're an amazing.

Angel

I've been trying to reflect upon my life.. to me, it's like a routine thing to do when I'm alone by myself esp at this time of the night.

Admittedly, a lot came to my mind tonight. I realized that these days I've been making friends without the thought of keeping them to be my friends for a long time to come. Except for those I've known for quite a long period of time and keeping in contact with.

Perhaps my only thought of making friends right now is because I have to? I mean my belief places me in a position whereby I just have to accept everything even though they are of vast difference from me. But after all, there isn't much understanding, more of tolerance.. and there has been so much I try to take in my stride. I try to just ignore but no worries, it does not haunt me. It simply became too minute for me to bother. But whatever happened to loving people, I really do not know. I hate how competitive this community is. But that's the way life goes I suppose. I really think if I were to get out of the school right now, there's not even one thing I would miss.

Amazingly I feel stressed not because I've not studied, but because everyone keeps on going about how much they've studied on every social networking means that it got on my nerves. Thoughts like "what if I do worse?" and "what the shit please stop boasting thanks" crowd my mind. I've partly lost the motivation because of how amazing school is at discouraging us, because the probable only motivation other than my ambition is so as the school won't call my parents and creepy soh won't haunt after me. It's not a positive motivation though. So it's not exactly working. School's just trying too hard.

Stella is so sick and tired of everything. I just want all of it to end here and now. Thank god for you people who keep telling me it's gonna end really soon. But how soon exactly is soon. Just like how bad is bad the situation in Japan, we do not know. Part of me feels like I've given up on really making friends.. part of me thinks it's stupid to be really nice and vulnerable in front of people. I want to stop being nice please? Can I please tell people right into their face that I actually cannot stand them... and no matter how hard I try, I still can't. I bet some of you are trying equally hard as me. I salute you.

And thank God for you people who remain patient when I give up hope, can accept me even when I'm damn mean, bitchy and rebellious. I think I'm kinda done with friends.. they used to be REALLY important to me, they still are but progressively, it's getting lesser every day. Which is quite a good thing I suppose. Though those who are important still remain just as important.

Anyhows, the kimchi we drove home from bukit timah is the best thing on Earth really.

Let it shine

Our Deepest Fear
By Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were all meant to shine, as children do.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

from stef's (:

-

I've been stressed and it's been amazing how I haven't been telling yet everyone knows it from I don't know where and how. Tonight's mega-prayer-meet-like Metamorphosis concert was liberating. Thank God for God. What would I be without God? Zuoen and I cried so much I don't even know where to start from. During worship I cried, when I had to share I nearly cried.. then during worship I cried again. This year's been crazy for me, there was once I just lay on my bed and cry my eyes bawl without even knowing why I was crying. Frankly I don't know what's wrong. But a touch from God can change my life and so can it do for yours. I mean I was totally overwhelmed by the presence of HS and when we were singing this

Lord Your Name is higher than the heavens
Lord Your Name is higher than all created things
Higher than hope
Higher than dreams

I was so convicted that my God is sovereign above all.. my studies, the expectations, and simply everything. I know He is in control.

I can't help but to feel an extreme burden for Japan. Please keep praying..God will move.

Sendai

A few weeks back I blogged about the Christchurch earthquake and since Friday, I've been following on the Sendai earthquake which is much more devastating than the Christchurch one. I can't help but feel so sorry for Japan.

Actually the first thought that came to my mind when I heard saw the tweet about the Japanese earthquake was that ay, Japan has state-of-the-art kinda infrastructures and technology, so what's there to worry! I think many people would have the same way of thinking. And I was actually aware of the 7.2 magnitude foreshock two days before the main earthquake. But to my horror of horrors, there were actually two foreshocks of magnitude above 6, prior to the main earthquake, on the exact same day. Really sucks. My heart's with you Japan.

Especially hearing about the nuclear meltdowns, tsunamis and perhaps even volcanic eruptions. I think the only word to express this feeling is CONFUZZED! I learned that from watching Mary & Max. Simple but heartwarming show, more than awesome to me definitely. Anyways, I texted my buddy almost in the instance of knowing of the Japanese earthquake and I certainly hope she'll stay safe. I mean if she were in Japan I think I'll just cry and cry until my eyes pop like those of goldfish and I'd give all I've got to get air tickets for her to come over to Singapore.

That aside, the Muslim uprising in the Middle East isn't getting any better either. Oh God, is this what is written in the Revelations about end times? Messy and crazy? So easy to lose our faith cos we begin to wonder why aren't you intervening in the madness. Because so far, nothing has hit Singapore we can still say our faith is deeply rooted. But I guess in those troubled times, there's really nothing you can hold on to, except for God.

Stay strong Sendai!
Japan being my favourite country ever, please stay safe.. all the nuclear plants please listen to me and not melt. Thanks.

In the drain

I REALLY REALLY REALLY........................... sigh k bye.

EXCO

Best team
Best friends

LOVE.