Angel

I've been trying to reflect upon my life.. to me, it's like a routine thing to do when I'm alone by myself esp at this time of the night.

Admittedly, a lot came to my mind tonight. I realized that these days I've been making friends without the thought of keeping them to be my friends for a long time to come. Except for those I've known for quite a long period of time and keeping in contact with.

Perhaps my only thought of making friends right now is because I have to? I mean my belief places me in a position whereby I just have to accept everything even though they are of vast difference from me. But after all, there isn't much understanding, more of tolerance.. and there has been so much I try to take in my stride. I try to just ignore but no worries, it does not haunt me. It simply became too minute for me to bother. But whatever happened to loving people, I really do not know. I hate how competitive this community is. But that's the way life goes I suppose. I really think if I were to get out of the school right now, there's not even one thing I would miss.

Amazingly I feel stressed not because I've not studied, but because everyone keeps on going about how much they've studied on every social networking means that it got on my nerves. Thoughts like "what if I do worse?" and "what the shit please stop boasting thanks" crowd my mind. I've partly lost the motivation because of how amazing school is at discouraging us, because the probable only motivation other than my ambition is so as the school won't call my parents and creepy soh won't haunt after me. It's not a positive motivation though. So it's not exactly working. School's just trying too hard.

Stella is so sick and tired of everything. I just want all of it to end here and now. Thank god for you people who keep telling me it's gonna end really soon. But how soon exactly is soon. Just like how bad is bad the situation in Japan, we do not know. Part of me feels like I've given up on really making friends.. part of me thinks it's stupid to be really nice and vulnerable in front of people. I want to stop being nice please? Can I please tell people right into their face that I actually cannot stand them... and no matter how hard I try, I still can't. I bet some of you are trying equally hard as me. I salute you.

And thank God for you people who remain patient when I give up hope, can accept me even when I'm damn mean, bitchy and rebellious. I think I'm kinda done with friends.. they used to be REALLY important to me, they still are but progressively, it's getting lesser every day. Which is quite a good thing I suppose. Though those who are important still remain just as important.

Anyhows, the kimchi we drove home from bukit timah is the best thing on Earth really.